20 Self-Sabotaging Behaviors We All Need to Ditch

20 Self-Sabotaging Behaviors We All Need to Ditch

20 self sabotaging behaviors we all need to ditch the messy badass ashley allyn

Self-Sabotaging behaviors can range from obvious to subtle. They affect our feelings of self-worth, interfere with our goals, and inhibit us from living our best lives.

A few years after my breakdown, when my brain scrambled-eggs brain had started to mend and I was finally able to think clearly, I sat down and compiled a list of behaviors and thought processes that weren’t working for me anymore. I was a self-sabotaging piece of work. It was clear I needed to make drastic changes.

Putting this list to paper was extremely difficult. I didn’t want to admit that I had been engaging in so many toxic behaviors. But I had been. Every single one.

Here is a list of common self-sabotaging, negative behaviors keeping us from harnessing our inner bosses:

1) Negative self-talk

‘Negative self-talk is any inner dialogue you have with yourself that may be limiting your ability to believe in yourself and your own abilities, and reach your potential. It is any thought that diminishes you and your ability to make positive changes in your life or your confidence in your ability to do so.’

2) Feeling unworthy of good things our lives


3) Constantly comparing ourselves to others

Comparison is the thief of joy Theodore Roosevelt

4) Using passive aggressive behaviors

‘Passive aggressive people regularly exhibit resistance to requests or demands from family and other individuals often by procrastinating, expressing sullenness, or acting stubborn’

‘Passive-aggressive’ is a term that’s often used to describe someone who retaliates in a subtle way rather than speaking his mind.’

5) Blaming loved ones for frustrations

Sometimes we take out our frustrations on the ones we love the most.

6) Finding joy in the hardships of others

This phenomena is referred to as Schadenfreude. (I learned a new term while writing this article. If you already knew this, kudos. You’re a badass) It’s a German word, defined as pleasure derived from another person’s misfortune. Unfortunately, it’s not as uncommon as one might think.

7) Tearing others down

Whatever good things we build end up building us Jim Rohn

8) Complaining with no intention of change

9) Lying or omitting truths

Aside the obvious effects lies and omissions have on our loved ones, lying affects our own mental health.

10) Using sex as a weapon

Sex as a weapon can have a massive impact on our partner’s self-esteem and damage our relationships beyond repair.

11) Remaining in toxic situations

One of the first posts I wrote, Kick That Miserable B To The Curb, discusses bullying, negativity, and toxicity. Sometimes, toxic people are those closest to us and disconnecting is extremely difficult. Ultimately, we have to do what is best for our own mental health.

12) Only giving to others with expectation of reciprocation

13) Refusing to compliment others

How good does it feel when someone takes a moment out of their day to tell you they like your smile or think you did a great job at work? The littlest compliments feel great! Knowingly withholding compliments or converting thoughts into negativity have a long lasting affect on our psyche.

14) Lashing out in anger

15) Using demeaning words in arguments

16) Playing the victim

17) Knowingly withholding love as punishment

18) Setting unrealistic expectations of others

It took me decades to finally understand I can’t control the actions of others, only my own reactions to those actions. Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and resentment.

19) Suffering in silence

20) Letting unhealthy resentment poison relationships

This means our relationships with others as well as our relationship with ourselves.

What self-sabotaging behaviors are you ditching? Or, even better, which positive behaviors are you embracing?

window to change what behaviors are you ditching which behaviors are you embracing Ashley Allyn the messy badass

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